Last week a group of ballroom dancers put on a show at my mother's care facility. Mum, pretty in her flowered hat, seemed to enjoy the music and costumes, but after about 30 minutes said with uncharacteristic clarity 'I'd rather dance than watch'. Such clarity is rare, so I paid attention.
It seems to me that I've been watching the dance for some time now. Work (has it been a month since retirement?!) required nearly all of my concentration for the Dance of Professional Life. The Dance of Home Life was something I watched, standing on the sidelines like the wallflower at a school sock hop - definitely an onlooker with neither the time nor the energy to join in the rhythm.
It's only been a month, but I'm getting the hang of it - finding the rhythm and taking the first, hesitant steps. The garden has been less for looking and more for digging. The cottage has been less a setting for meals and bedtime and more for relaxing and dreaming. There has been more face-to-face time with friends and relaxed time with my mother. I'm getting the hang of this Dance of Home Life and I'm liking it!
Mum's words I'd rather dance than watch, sum up the way she continues to live her life as physical and cognitive restrictions become more and more evident. It's lovely to know that she still steps right onto the dance floor................and that I can still learn from her.
Today's illustration has Mum front and centre in her flowered hat. It was Dad's last anniversary gift to her, a year ago today. Mum is surrounded by all the signs of spring in Victoria - a glorious time for The Dance!
I am going to try something new-to-me for this post. I'll be responding to comments right in the comment section. Let's see how that goes!
This post is linked to Mosaic Monday with Maggie at Normandy Life and to Amaze Me Monday at Dwellings, the Heart of Your Home.
The dance of home life. I like that! I am happy to hear that you are enjoying your new life...
ReplyDeleteThanks Penny. I love the way YOU love your home - I will always think of you as the House Whisperer!
DeleteIt's a very beautiful hat, and just made for dancing. Was your mother able to do a few steps?
ReplyDeleteIsn't it a lovely hat? Mum is confined to a wheelchair now - she can't even stand on her own. The dance steps are all in her memory, but oh, how she dances!
DeleteOh, my! I was so excited to see your comment on my blog, I had to rush right over! Now I really am excited to see you "back" and I have to catch up. Congrats on your retirement. Words of wisdom from your Mum ... keep dancing! So happy to read of your son's remission.... it is such a battle. Wishing you well. Happy Monday!
ReplyDeleteHappy Monday to you too, Snap! Thank you for the lovely welcome back!
DeleteI have long loved the Dance.....and so grateful to truly 'live' my life. For many years I was a spectator to the dance - just doing my best to cope with life and survive. It was 20 years ago now that I took my first shaky steps onto the dance floor. I am happy to say I waltz with Life every day now. So will you.
ReplyDeleteLinda, you get more living and dancing in your life than most people ever do. You are an inspiration.
DeleteWelcome back , your posts have always been inspiring to me and food for thought . Thank you so much . Donna
ReplyDeleteThank you - it's so kind of you to let me know that.
DeleteIt's good to hear that your mother still has that vigor and zest for life! Her hat is so sweet!
ReplyDeleteI like that you are looking at your retirement this way, it gave me food for thought. I've often thought that as I get older, and I slow down a bit physically, that I'll be left on the side lines at some point. I think we have to keep working at it, keep healthy and limber, and our minds open to anything and everything!
So glad yo have you posting again!
Thanks, Jane! You are so right about keeping healthy and limber - in mind and body.
DeleteLovely post! The Dance of Home Life ... I like that and will be grateful when I can get back to it following a necessary season of estate responsibilities. Right now I'm spending too much time on the sidelines of home while other things take priority.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have those times, when being on the sidelines is the only thing possible. I hope you get to join fully in the dance again soon.
DeleteFrom the minute I read your mom's words, I was thinking 'she still has something to teach you (and all of us).' ... but then you said it yourself of course. Dance on! (Both of you).
ReplyDeleteI love that you thought that! My mum, even with dementia, has a lot to teach me. There are days when her eyes shine and she is completely 'there'. I really pay attention then.
DeleteWhat a lovely way to put it, the many dances of life.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to hear that you are adjusting to your retirement. I hope that this finds you with lots of time to do all of the things you enjoy.
It great to have you back and posting regularly.
Thank you, Adrienne. I am working my way into the things that I've been longing to do. I'm loving the garden!
DeleteWhat a pretty hat your mother is wearing whilst she watches the dancers perform. It is rather special that your mother's observations gave you a lovely analogy for what is happening currently within your life.
ReplyDeleteI think it IS rather special, Rosemary. Even with Dementia Mum has a lot to teach - it comes out in flashes. Quite something!
DeleteLoved reading about your Retirement Dance of Life . . .
ReplyDeleteHappy you are “keeping step” . . . and enjoying your days.
Love your moms hat . . . did she “step out!”
Hi Lynne - no, Mum is confined to a wheelchair, but I believe that she was dancing in her imagination.
DeleteSuch a lovely observation by your Mother..
ReplyDeleteHonestly being involved and present in one’s own life really is a dance...sometimes it’s a waltz and other times it’s a tango! When I worked I used to feel like I was “square dancing” just following along as someone else called out all the moves!
Retirement offers many opportunities for us to choreograph our new dance moves...I look forward to more of your blog posts...your voice has been missed.
XO
Thank you, Hostess! I had to laugh at your 'square dance' comment. You are so very right! If today is any indication of the possibilities ahead then I have a lot to look forward to!
DeleteOh my - Your Mother’s wonderful observation said it all...and such a perfect spring hat! Wishing you a happily filled dance program (did you have those at school dances? The little books with tiny pencils?) And no doubt, you will be learning some new steps...
ReplyDeleteYes, Pat, when I started high school at a convent school, we had little programs with tiny pencils (the sort that go with golf score sheets today).
DeleteThe new steps will come, I'm sure, and I look forward to the challenge!
What a great expression of your mother's personality and attitude to life! Although in times when her cognitive abilities were stronger, she would probably have told you that there are times when just watching is a legitimate approach, that perhaps it might even be a way of dancing, of swaying to the music surrounding you. . .
ReplyDeleteIt's the balance, isn't it? Watching when it feels good to watch and dancing madly when that feels right.
DeleteIt's definitely fun to dance. I'm 6 months into retirement. Methinks I've finally caught up with the Husband in terms of feeling like most days are Saturday. I'm so relaxed I forgot about the artichokes cooking on the stove until the burnt smell wafted upstairs.
ReplyDeleteOh oh! I can't even imagine what burnt artichokes smell like!
DeleteThe Great Dane has been retired for more than 7 years, so he has had a good head start. The biggest challenge is morning because I have always been an early riser. I am trying to learn to get up and move slowly from coffee pot to easy chair and book, but old habits die hard and I still have that niggling feeling of needing to DO something.
Give yourself some time to get used to the new period in your life - it is like a new dance- your mom is so right! Am curious what new interests will be ahead for you:)
ReplyDeleteHope to see you soon at All Seasons, and you will see that really each season in our life brings new joys and interests!
Thank you Jeanette - I am happy at the thought of the possibilities! It has been a long time since I had the luxury of time. I have a work room full of 'ideas' and bits and pieces. Right now the garden is a big draw, but when the weather changes I will be in the workroom for a bit of exploration.
DeleteYour mother's words are very clear and a great way to live life - dancing instead of watching. I would think that getting used to retirement living would take some time, and you are easing into it with intention.
ReplyDeleteI think that one moves forward however one has gone on in the past. I'm not one to rush in!
DeleteWhat a perfect reminder from your mother that we need to get out there and enjoy life and not sit on the sidelines. Thanks for sharing your story. Finding a new normal always takes time. Enjoy!
ReplyDeletehttp://travelingbugwiththreeboys-kelleyn.blogspot.ae/2018/05/tiptoeing-through-tulip.html
Your Mum is a wise woman how wonderful that you are still able to benefit from her Dance of Life experiences. I like the idea of you waltzing around the garden, taking a little foxtrot into town or maybe jitterbugging the night away? Whichever dance you choose remember to "dance like nobody's watching"!
ReplyDeleteThat is the challenge!! Years of 'toeing the line' make breaking out in dance a bit of a challenge....but I believe I'm up to it!
DeleteYour mother's comment has given my food for thought this morning, Pondside. It's been a very long time since I've blogged, but I'm happy to catch up with your posts. You have my sympathy on the loss of your father and I was glad to read that your son is now well. Happy Retirement to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It HAS been a long time since you last posted - a year! I hope you'll feel like writing and posting again soon.
DeleteSo much time for reading now! Have you read The Alice Network?
ReplyDeleteNo I haven't, but I've just gone to the library website and put a hold on the next copy to come in! Thank you!
DeleteGlad to have you back and glad to be back (sort of) myself. Endings and new beginnings. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Always?
ReplyDeleteAlways. There are short breathing spaces between, and then it's back to dealing with the endings and beginnings.
DeleteGlad to have you back! I've missed you. I'm hoping the writing and blogging will call me back a little harder from here on out--and you're good inspiration for that!
ReplyDeleteI hope so too - I have missed your voice.
DeleteI agree with your Mum that I'd also rather dance than watch! She has a good attitude despite her infirmities. My husband and I have never been busier in life than we have been in retirement. We laugh when we think how people were worried we'd be bored. Sometimes we yearn for a quiet day to just sit and read, but then we'd never trade that in for time we spend with grandchildren. Enjoy the spring and your new freedom!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am really enjoying it. This morning had time for reading, walking, a little gardening and a little paperwork.......and it's just 0930. I love it - the entire day is ahead of me.
DeleteI love your Mom's attitude. I am happy you are beginning to enjoy your retirement. It is quite an adjustment for many folks. We moved from Louisville to WA so I was very busy getting acquainted with this part of the world and getting a home in order.
ReplyDeleteSometimes a big change like a move at the time of retirement is a good thing - you deal with them together and make friends without really knowing. I am finally able to settle into this New Old Cottage and its neighbourhood.
DeleteOh I love this!!! What a fantastic quote from your dear Mum. Bless her heart. It reminds me of the song "I hope you Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. Her hat is so bright and pretty. I love that you are easing into retirement and enjoying it. I still can't imagine how I ever got anything done while I worked. So great to hear from you again!
ReplyDeleteI can't get over the number of people - mostly women - who have told me they can't understand how they ever had time to work. I'm finding out the same thing!!
DeleteCongratulations on your retirement! As someone who retired about a year ago, I resonated with your comments about being on the sidelines. It was a matter of survival for my hubby to manage everything on the home front while I was working ... so it was an adjustment for both of us when I retired ....
ReplyDeleteMy Mom will be 90 in December and is still fully mobile ... I am making the most of every moment with her ...
Thanks for visiting my blog and your kind comments!
I love this post...and your mother’s quote! And her hat! So glad you are enjoying the dance in the home front these days.
ReplyDeleteBy the way...I’m heading across the pond tomorrow with a bus load of women to Chemainus...the annual ladies getaway sponsored by the feed company that we deal with on the farm. We are taking in the dinner theatre there tomorrow night.
I hope you have a wonderful day at Chemainus. I love going to that theatre!
DeleteWhat a wonderful thing for you to hear your Mom say, and how marvellous that she still feels that way, her hat is super anyone wearing that hat would want to dance:)
ReplyDeleteThat flowery hat always attracts smiles!
DeleteBeautiful flowered hat, I’d love one :) Retirement for me has been so liberating. The time to notice and participate. I was definitely living on the sidelines during the last couple of years of teaching. Always too much to do. Enjoy the dance. B x
ReplyDeleteThank you! I can see, already, that retirement will be liberating in a big way!
DeleteHonora, we all know that the time will come when we would rather dance than watch. This is such a wonderful statement and must mean that a good life was lived in order to feel that. I love the way you have written this and even though retirement is so liberating when it first happens, it sometimes is too easy to lose track of that after being retired for awhile. I have to remind myself every day not to lose track of dancing..Happy Wednesday..Judy
ReplyDeleteI hope I never take this new freedom for granted!
DeleteI love that..."I'd rather dance than watch". I'm glad you are getting into your groove in retirement. Knowing you, you've only retired from the day to day work and travel schedule. I'm thinking you will fill your days with a lot of dancing and some watching. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteYes, Ellen, the days are filling up at great speed!
DeleteSo lovely to have you back! I've read this post and last week's, what a lot of change you are adjusting to. I'd rather dance than watch, too, but sometimes the watching is useful before the dancing, working out the steps in my head before taking the floor so that I am completely prepared. Your tribute to your father is beautiful, what comforting memories you must have...and marvellous news about your son. See you soon! x
ReplyDeleteIt feels good to be back! I like what you have to say about watching to work out how the dance is going to go.
DeleteThere's a lot of meaning in those words! I know how we cherish the times when our moms still have something to say. So often what my mom says does not make sense, but every once in a while, the fog clears and she says someting that surprises me. It makes me happy when that happens.
ReplyDeleteThose times of lucidity are so precious. Often it's just 'you have nice teeth' or 'Mama used to make that'. Most of the time things make no sense whatsoever. One day though, Mum's eyes cleared and she said 'They are very good to me here'. I can't tell you how wonderful that felt! On Good Friday she told me 'Honora, Daddy is right behind me right now'.
DeleteI've been thinking about your mother's phrase a lot since reading this - I think, 'I'd rather be dancing than watching' is a rather lovely maxim for how to live. All best wishes to you for this newest dance and for good times with your mother as well as the wider family.
ReplyDeleteI Hope You Dance by Leeann Womack is the song, and your Mom with her quote put the most wonderful ending to the song for us all. Husband and I have always danced until his left hip and my right knee were replaced and somehow we also ended up in our 70's. We still love the music and the waltz of our life today together in harmony. Fabulous post! JudyCinNC
ReplyDeleteLove your sharing and your blog a lot.
What a lovely hat! I can imagine your mother's feet were itching to join in. I'm glad you are adjusting and finding your dancing steps as you slow down a little in retirement. Enjoy and savor those more leisurely times with your mom. I had to smile at your IG photo of the new garden. I'll have to put on ours as we have a new one similar. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat a special moment for your mom. I have been catching up on your blog and wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your father and faithful furry companion. May your warm memories be a comfort to you.
ReplyDeleteYour mom has a pretty hat! Bless her heart! I hope she will always feel like dancing even if all she can do is sit and watch.
ReplyDeleteHome life for me has always been my dance/bliss. These days, I'm watching a video with some dance moves in it which will be good exercise for three and a half minutes. Those days I don't feel like getting on my stationary bike, I hope to get some moves in. I have to be careful though with this back of mine but it's hard to keep still when the Bee Gees are singing! ;-) Have a wonderful weekend, my friend, and Happy Mother's Day to both you and your mom!
It is nice to be reading your posts and commenting again! I’ve missed hearing about your comings and goings. This retirement thing has been lovely, but challenging for me. I’ve struggled with thinking I had to do everything that I didn’t have time to do before, but then finding myself putting things off just because I could. I’m just starting to find the balance, and it has been almost
ReplyDeletea year for me. I love your mom’s wisdom, especially considering the dementia. It is a reminder we all need. Let’s hope this retirement dance will be fun, memorable, productive, and lively (within reason)!
I'm glad you found me again! What you say about retirement is interesting and I see myself in those words. I'll work on it!
DeleteYour perspective on life continues to encourage and inspire me. Your turn of a word always evokes a gentle turning up at the corners of my mouth. Thank you, friend. I pray for a day when we shall actually have an opportunity to see each other face to face, for I know we've already met. Cherry Kay
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your retirement dear friend, it is wonderful, there is so much to do without a schedule, it's awesome!
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful you got to go to your mom's retirement home and dance and I am sorry for the loss of your dear dad and your pet; very sad period for you, but you inspire me so.
Thank you for your post. Glad to see you around.
Fabby
I am about a year out from retirement. This lovely post made me all the more anxious for that time to fly by.
ReplyDeleteI've been working full time for over 50 years and I am ready to start my Dance at Home time! With a little travel thrown in for good measure.
xxoo,
RMW
Hi, You've made a lot of readers very happy by resuming your blog!! Looking forward to seeing you, again! Brenda
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious your mother has been a wonderful influence in your life and everyone else's too. What a blessing! I'm more of a watcher than a dancer but it's the dancers who show the rest of us how to participate in life in meaningful ways and encourage us to give dancing a try now and then!
ReplyDeleteI so very much agree with your mother. Life is too short to simply be a spectator. Dance like there's no tomorrow, I say! Thanks for visiting and leaving the nice comment. Glad to see you're back to blogging. xo
ReplyDeleteThank You for sharing your article, This is an interesting & informative blog. It is very useful for the developer like me.
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I love that comment! I too would rather dance than watch! I know exactly what you mean about your new dance in post retirement life. The rhythm is so very different from work, especially a demanding job like yours, that it takes a while to pick it up. Good though! I wouldn't change it now for the world.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteHonora, I can't believe I missed this post!!! I'm happy it popped up on my sidebar. I love your mom's comment and your take on the different "dances" of our lives. Your retirement is well deserved and if like me, you'll wonder how you ever had time to work full time.
ReplyDeleteHappy Retirement, Happy July, and Happy Canada Day, sweet friend!
"I'd rather Dance..than watch". I immediately thought of our past prime minister Pierre Trudeau and his famous pirouette behind our Queen as he left her presence...sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do! Dance on dear Honora..as your mother will always do in memory with joy. As should we all. Happy retirement.
ReplyDeleteI suddenly thought of you tonight, so here I am! How is your steps into retirement going. I am hoping you are enjoying the dance and the possibilities of new beginnings. I love your Mum's comment. I think we can all learn something from her words. So here is to more being involved - more dancing instead of watching. Happy retirement. I must say, for us at least, it is a grand way to live. Hugs all the way from Australia.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful saying! As a dancer myself every time I see a great routine, I want to get up and join in too!
ReplyDeleteI have just discovered your lovely blog, after reading about your meeting with Mary in Victoria. So sorry about your father, who sounds a wonderful character, and I wish you well with your mother also. We have had years of dementia with our parents too, and I absolutely agree with the finding of lucid and valuable comments from the loved one - even in the final Stage 7 with my own father. Life is so precious.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteDear Pondside – I don’t know if you’ll read this as I see your blog is dormant. I am starting to visit blogs again after a two year absence. I just could not while taking care of my husband 24/7. He suddenly passed away in his sleep last October after battling Alzheimer’s for 10 years. Yesterday would have been his birthday. Reading your post I see you are retired now. I hope you find enjoyment. You live in such a beautiful city that it must be nice to have more time to enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI miss you here Honora and hope all is well with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHugs - Mary (and Bob) xx
Thinking of you and your family, especially now, in these uncertain times.
ReplyDeleteTake care. Betty ox
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